“Even if you think the flame has died, there’s at least one lyric that’ll hit that last hot spot, and then you’ll find yourself as fucked as you were the day you lied and said you never wanted to see her again.”—John Mayer (via thingssheloves)
I have a problem but there’s something odd about it. I know I said that I would stop talking about her but I can’t but care about her when I found out (again) that her boyfriend was going to leave her because of some stupid reason. It’s not that I am jealous but I wish she would at least date someone who treats her right and doesn’t argue with on a daily basis.
Damn it Beatriz, you can do better than this but the reasons you’re dating him are completely wrong. That’s not love you’re feeling, you just can’t feel or be alone.
As for what’s the odd part, it’s actually quite simple: I don’t really love her anymore. I feel ashamed to say it but it’s the truth really. I want to take those words back but it’s becoming an alarmingly fast reality. I really just don’t love her anymore. Yes, it still pains me to see her with that guy but I’m also realizing that one of the main reasons is because he doesn’t treat her the way she should be treated. I wise I could shout to the world, “help Beatriz please! Help her realize how badly she’s being treated and why she shouldn’t date in general!”. But no, my prayers won’t be answered. I wish that the friends from my graduating class who have a Tumblr and follow me would help her but I know they won’t. They’re not close to her and she’s not their problem.
Admittedly, I texted her best friend Mariah’s cell, at least I think it is, and wrote a very long text with no reply (I’ll add it later). I don’t talk with her but I was desperate. Since I know no one will do anything, I’m going to have to break the rules by talking to her. Her boyfriend doesn’t allow her to talk with me but that’s because (most likely) he’s an overly jealous fuck and sees me as a threat. Anyway, I’m going to send her message over Facebook and hope she’s fine. However, she doesn’t really have my love or trust anymore. G’night Tumblr and thanks for being the only person I can vent to without complaints that I’m taking to long, judging me and just letting me write out my thoughts,
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“She needs a new journal. The one she has is problematic. To get to the present, she needs to page through the past, and when she does, she remembers things, and her new journal entries become, for the most part, reactions to the days she regrets, wants to correct, rewrite.”—Dave Eggers, How the Water Feels to the Fishes (via quote-book)
I always say this in my mind whenever I see people blogging shit, saying what a “waste of time” that relationship was or how they can’t believe they fell for their ex. It really annoys me. They act as if they never had anything special and that all those moments they had with that person don’t worth shit.
Stop saying you regret meeting them/being with them just because it didn’t work out. Stop saying that the moments that made you smile once were a waste of time. Stop saying that you can’t believe you fell for him/her because, odds are, they were different when you fell for them and keep in mind that people change. Also, don’t hate each other and don’t shut them out of your life just because your relationship didn’t work out. Try to be friends, at least, and be mindful towards one another. If you were once good friends with that person, keep in mind that friendships shouldn’t be ruined by relationships.
I’m thinking (more like waiting to get the money for it) of getting one but I can’t decide on that color the ball should be :/ I want it to glow in the dark(for sure) but I’m still stuck on two colors -_____-
Glow in the dark Purple
Glow in the dark Turquoise?
P.S. I know it seems like a very “out there” idea since I didn’t grow up in this interest group but I’m looking for life changing things. So far, my tattoo and hair have done that for me but I need another. So, I picked my tongue. If you think it’s nasty, sorry. All I need is a color and that’s it :x
I’m not going to allow myself to force a depressing mood on this topic but I have to at least share something on my mind which (trying to keep it this way) kinda bugs me so here we go:
I’m scared that one day, after I graduate and have my whole life together, that Beatriz might try to get back in my life but that I won’t feel much for her anymore and she just won’t be the type of girl I want.
I’m scared that I’ll never be able to find my “perfect” girl. The only reason I put quotes is because perfect is a relative term and, of course, that definition changes for everyone. In other words, I don’t know if I’ll ever find the perfect girl for myself.
I can’t wait to remember how those two feel again when I really love someone.
I usually hug my friends for a little while and they feel awkward but my roommate (Jeremy), who is awesome btw, is the only one who can out hug me. He holds on for a while but the only reason I’m the first to stop is because I’m only used to hugging someone I love for a super long period of time. Sorry Jeremy :x
One day, I WILL hold onto you my dear future girl ^^
I’m sick of the feeling of being depressed so damn often. The way I see it, although I have before, is that if I keep being depressed all the time by living in the past, I’m never going to be able to accomplish anything in my life and that’s starting to piss me off actually. So what if I’ve lost everything I’ve cared for. What justice is that possibly giving to the people I gave my life for? I’l forget about all the friends I’ve had who are no longer in contact with me today and I’ll talk to all the ones I still have and love me for who I am. If high school taught me two things, It’s how love feels and who are your real friends.
Now, I say fuck it to many things:
That voice in my head that tells me I’m going to fail
Anything related to Beatriz unless I HAVE TO pay attention to it
Bitching over past relationships
Pointless time on the interwebz (except Tumblr :D)
Sleeping so late
Time to say hello to:
Any crushes that may come up (One in mind but too embarrassed to admit >..<)
Exercise in general
Sleeping more often
Loving my body/metabolism
Being genuinely happy
Continuing to be my random/adventurous/spazzy self :D